Thursday, March 20, 2014

Goodbye My Friend

       It's been four months now that my friend has gone. I've been very lonely ever since he unexpectedly went up to heaven. We used to be partners in the organization. He is part of my life since I learn a lot of things from him. He taught me how to love, he taught me how to accept people I don't like and he magically help me go out of my shell. It's all because of him I was able to change my notion that not all guys are bad and that there are still guys who are kind and gentle. I admit that I did fall in love with him. He knows it and I told him but he refuses to reciprocate the love I have for him. He told me to forget him. My intention of telling him my feelings was not really for him to love me back. All i ever wanted to hear from him was just a simple thank you but he said the wrong words to me. I got deeply hurt and since he told me to forget him, I follow what he said to me. I force myself to forget him even if it was so hard to forget him.As years passed, I was wishing to talk to him but I avoided him and he too don't talk to me. I never had any idea of what he really feels for me. Until we graduated from our masters. I didn't know he was there. I could still remember how he smiled and greeted me but I was so shocked that I don't know how to react. I just look at him and I never did say anything to him. I didn't know that was the last time I'm going to see him smiling at me. I knew for sure that day was his happiest day in his life. It was my happiest day too.
          As years passed by I was able to get over him yet he is still in my heart. I met someone else who came and became my friend. He was also kind to me and I did again fall for this guy. But last October 31,2013, I remember how he broke my heart telling me he found someone and told me he is already into a relationship. I cried for the fact that things are not going to be the same like before because he already has a girl friend. later did I know the day my best friend told me he is going steady with his girlfriend.My friend met an accident. I was the last one to know that he met an accident when my sister told me what happen to him. I realized that I really didn't love my new found friend I realize that I still do love him.I was having second thoughts of visiting him. It was a fatal accident his right and left brain collided because he fell down riding a single motorcycle and he was bumped by a private vehicle which cause him  to suffer from right leg fracture. I finally decided to visit him and I didn't get inside his room I was just looking at him outside his room in a transparent glass-window. I could still picture out in my head how he looks like with all those gadgets and tubes attached to his body. I appear strong in the hospital but when I went home I can't help but cry seeing him that way. after that I was just praying so hard that he will be fine. I even prepared a gift card to him hoping that when he wakes up he would read my notes unfortunately I wasn't able to give it to him. Everyday I read updates on his condition until I read that he opened his eyes and can even raised his hands I was so happy and thankful then.
             A very tiring day came, I was sitting in my classroom and I was online when a friend of mine chatted me confirming if my friend is already gone. I slowly go over his account and there it was confirmed right before my very eyes that he is already gone. I was hoping it was not true. I thought he is already fine and I was thinking we could still have the chance to talk. I can't help but cry. I was really hoping that we could be friends again but fate didn't gave us the chance to talk. It was a heart breaking experience to me. Almost everyday I cried. It was a great struggle to me. Everyday, I pull myself just to make things normal as it should be. I tried having a lot of things to do for me not to remember Paulo's death. I never had the choice but to accept it and no matter how painful it is I have nothing to hold on now that he is already gone. Today I saw his picture he was so happy in his picture. I hope he is also happy to where he is now. I wish we could see him and feel even if now that he is gone.


1 comment:

Skyline Spirit said...

pretty nice blog, following :)

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