Last Sunday, I attended a mass at six o'clock in the evening. I was late so I stayed outside the church. Suddenly a woman went inside the church. She was wearing a brown knitted blouse. I used to see her walking around the church. One thing that stuck me was that she is a special person yet too ordinary to be noticed at. I saw a sad person in her. I wish I could help her. She might be smiling yet looking into her eyes I saw a suffering soul within her. then I realized that I saw myself in her. I'm moved to tears. I just then realized that I am as sad as her. I felt the pain in my heart. This woman is just one ordinary person. She always goes to church almost everyday I even thought she stays in the church. She is an insane woman who escapes from the pain she is feeling inside. People escape from pain. I for one tries to get rid of it, but I believe that running away and getting rid of the problems and pain is not a solution at all. Pretending to be fine would make the pain more painful. Being blind and apathetic would make one a numb person. Acceptance, humility, forgiveness and letting go would be the best thing that I always bear in mind. Acceptance of what happen, humility to accept what happen, to forgive those who hurt me and let go of the hurtful feelings I felt. We are all insane in this cruel world we live in but the only way to stick with our sanity is to trust in God and to be strong to every challenges, trials and difficulties we encounter in our way. I'm holding on to what I have right now. I keep on Loving those people who cared for me, Help those who need me and I always try to do my job well to make God happy and proud of me. Have a nice day. (",)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
I was so bothered these past few days and now finally the worries are totally gone. I discovered that one of my pupils has a serious family problem. Ever since June, I always thought of winning his heart but I failed since he is not willing and he won't open up to me. Frustrating to know but maybe and surely he is hurting inside. He always wanted to be seen in the class, he wanted to appear bad and infamous to his classmates and he never took his studies seriously. I tried hard to reach out for him, but he is so close and he is so hurt that he can't even love himself for the reason he felt that his life is meaningless. He acts as if he never cares for anything and anyone even to himself. In my opinion, maybe it is his way of expressing himself how hurt he is. I feel so sad hearing the reality of what his family is going through. Now, I understand why he acted that way. I pitied him and I assure him that everything will be fine. Ding-dong is not the only pupil who got this problem. In my second batch of pupils before almost all of them suffered from this kind of problem only that those pupils were mature enough to accept that their parents could no longer be together and that they have moved on and let go of it. Accepting such thing is a process. It is hard and hurting in fact some never did escape from it but destroyed their life and ruined it. Prayer, support and guidance should be given to him. I'm praying that his wounds will be healed and that he will accept everything. In my own little way I will help him and free him from his wounded heart. Have a happy weekend my friend.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I'm praying today that everything will be fine. Thinking of the heavy thing on top of my head lets me suffer from headache. So all I did was to stop thinking about it. I focus myself in all the requirements I need to accomplish and all the things I need to finish. After lunch I slept and I only woke up when I need to time in the afternoon. I let myself free from that burden why should I run from it when it is there I should face it no matter what. I have no choice but to face it. I have to be strong. If can't run from it then I have to face it. I know that this too shall pass with God's help He will help me and save me. I thank you madz for your advice it makes me feel better.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I'm tired. I hope to rest. I need a break now. Everything is mixed up but I'm still hoping I could fix everything. I wish to explore to a new adventure in life if only I could go out to where I am now. I could have done it before but something is pulling me back. Something is telling me to stay. I'm asking for a sign if I'll stick to where I am now or to go and find the real path I should take. I've been numb and stagnant for years now. I need to move on and to have courage to explore and take the risks. The risk that I have been running from for years but no matter what and how I try there is always someone and something that stops me from moving on. Maybe I'm destined to be like this forever. I'm quite confused now but I need to pretend that I'm ok that I'm fine and to see the brighter side of life even if only a spark of light is the only hope I'm holding on too. I'm almost giving up but I have faith and trust in God that is for sure why I'm still strong as I am now. God will take care of everthing. He will never leave me.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I don't know why I feel sad today. I got a lot of fears and doubts. I know if I'm not going to think of it, I'll be free from all the worries and issues that is in my mind. Anything that happens to us is just a creation, imagination in our minds and just something we can't help but thinking which leads to reality. The more we are thinking of the things we don't want to happen will happen because are minds are focus on it. As much as possible I always wanted to think positive. Everyday will get better and everything is ok. Whatever happens there is always a reason and purpose. God will never give us those trials which we cannot resolve. The only thing I need to think is that problems are part and spice to our life. I need to have faith and trust in God. Holding on to what is true and that is God loves each and everyone of us. If we experienced pain, sufferings, problems and loss there is always a reason for it. It helps us to be more strong and to learn how to live our lives. I remembered when my pupil told me that he hates his life. He told me that there is no God because he ask me why God permits their house to be burned. I told him that have you seen the difference before and now? What are the changes you have observe after that sad thing happens? At first he was so angry he told me that they have a bigger and a comfortable house before and now it is the opposite thing. He kept on saying all the things he wanted to say until he realizes that his family having a smaller house becomes more closer than having the bigger house before. I was waiting for him to say a word when suddenly he burst into tears. After that conversation he was changed. I never heard him complain and he starts to believe that God truly exist.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I'm so busy today. I thought I would have less work since there are only a few pupils who attended the tutorial due to a rainy weather. The National Achievement Test is fast approaching. All teachers are task to be reviewing the kids every Saturday on subject that are assigned to us. I'm not supposed to handle any section because my schedule is not for today but for next week but since one teacher was absent I replaced her on the spot. I wasn't able to have any review and any preparation they just gave me something for me to go over with a few minutes then discuss and explain it to the kids. It is a nose bleeding experience since the subject is for grade 5 lesson. I'm not so quite well versed on the topics in grade 5 but I have background knowledge of it. Lucky thing I was able to recall everything. I'm tired since my job is doubled I have to monitor the tutors and tutees plus they let me handle a about four sections with the help of some of my college students in NSTP. I'm ok at least I was able to help those pupils who need my help. The best lesson I ever thought of today is to be humble and that nobody is perfect. Have a happy weekend my friend. God bless.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The day is so gloomy and the rain never stop pouring. I am still so sleepy that I wish somebody will declare a no class day for us. I still wanted to sleep and rest in bed. I have to get up because it is Friday and there is no excuse I have to report in school today. When I'm on my way to school it seems that it was still 6am yet when I look at the clock it was almost 7:15 in the morning. I got worried that I'm already late, later did I know there are still a lot of teachers who are still on their way to school. Kids are only few in number. I just give them some review materials for the exam. I hope they will have good results on Monday. I wish the rain will go away now this weather will really makes me very sick.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Yehey! I'm slightly ok now. I went to school and saw my kids who are wondering why I was absent yesterday some even texted me and ask if I'll be in school today. I woke up at four in the morning. I see to it that I'll be early in school. At first I feel so hard to move and even to talk in class I'm still not that well. I could survive talking and explaining in short teaching the kids. The only thing I don't like is to scold kids, watch over bad moves they make and those kids who makes me angry of doing the things I don't like. It is too stressful for me. They wanted to be seen and to be given attention to. Good thing the day is finally over I was able to survive. I wish I'll be more fine tomorrow and that I'll gain back all the energy and the power ups I need for me to win the game. I need to stay strong and to stay healthy as I should be. The kids' third quarter exam will be on Tuesday. I need to double my time coping of all the topics I need to discuss and review the over all coverage of the whole third quarter exam. Get well soon too madz take care. Thank you Madz and Paulo for dropping some comments I appreciate that very much.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I'm so sick. I have a hard time getting up in bed because of my body pains. I was absent from my class today. I got my mahiwagang asthma, body pains, colds and cough. Good thing was I don't have fever. The whole day I was just sleeping in my bed. I just sleep and take the whole day rest. I hope I'll be fine tomorrow. I don't want to be absent again. I've heard that we have a new madam in school. I know her and I think she is good. I hope she will be good to us. Somebody told me that my kids were asking why am I absent. I think that is a surprise for me i thought they would be happy if I'm not around. I still got the feeling that they are enjoying the moment that there is no class today hehehe. Sorry for them I'll be reporting tomorrow no matter what.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
There is a low pressure area the Eastern Mindanao that is why we experienced a heavy rain and a cloudy sky. We only got one and a half day class because of my meeting in school. It rained so hard that I got soaking wet. I'm not feeling well right now. I got my asthma attack, colds, and cough. I wanted to be absent but I'm not going to. I need to work and teach the children. Speaking of the kids, They were really excited to go home because when I went back from the classroom they already clean and arrange the room ready for them to leave.Kids will do everything for me if I have something to give them. Kids are kids they love to play and rest instead of going to school. Timing that this afternoon the rain comes out again I'm pretty sure some of my kids played and danced in the rain and some they probably have their rest and stayed at home. I hope to see them tomorrow with complete attendance. Have a nice day my friend.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Hi friends I feel sleepy but before I sleep just wanted to drop some thoughts and things to share to you. I thought visitors are going to visit us today in school. As always they did not show up again. I'm not feeling well today. I even thought of not reporting to class today but I did not. I need to be present in school today because their third quarter exam will be next week and I have with me some keys of other classrooms. I feel exhausted. Kids are fine today naturally some seek attention and some just wanted to do nothing but exchange ideas with their classmates. I didn't have that stressful scenario today just right they all cooperated with me for the fact that they knew that I'm not feeling well. I wonder if the visitors will be coming tomorrow. I just hope not. I'll be going for a meeting in the afternoon tomorrow. kids will be very happy knowing the news that our class will be only in the morning. kids wanted to have more long vacation than going to school. All they ever wanted is to have fun and play under the heat of the sun. kids, kids makes me laugh when I remember that before our class starts they are already on the go chasing their classmates then after class they still play again and before going home they still got that energy to chase their classmates. I wonder if they ever get tired of running, jumping and chasing their classmates. Thinking of all the pressures they have in school. Pressure in understanding the lesson and passing all the test in school, pressure conforming with their friends, pressure in playing the role of being a son and daughter to their parents and pressures of being a sibling. I'm thinking to make kids more comfortable and to have fun learning in school. To lessen their pressure and to maximize their emotional intelligence so that in this way they would be able to cope with all those pressures and survive with it. I got to do something but I'm starting it anyway just need a little more time. I wish to create a school someday which kids no longer wanted to have a vacation when could that be maybe in the year 2060 hehehehe.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Here are the list of my favorite things to do..... 6. Read books. I love reading books. I wanted to imagine to place myself inside the story especially if I'm reading adventure and mytery stories, 5. I love to share my thoughts to others sad but I have no one to share it right now just only here in the blog world because everybody is busy to listen to my blah, blah thing 4. I love to go to church and visit God sad I wasn't able to be there today because I'm not that feeling well only yesterday when we celebrate the Feast of the Black Nazarene yes I was there I saw Jesus pass by our house and it's kinda awesome because when I saw him I don't know it moved me to tears I can't explain that. Honestly I believe that He really do grant ones wish, heals ones pain and He gives more than what you ask for. 3. I love teaching the kids and working with them especially if they understand and learn what I'm teaching them. the thing that I really want to do is to sleep that is the #2 thing I wanted to do. I feel comfortable and happy when I sleep. Funny but true I always look forward to sleep. My favorite part of the day is night time and my #1 is I love to cook for my family for breakfast. I only cook breakfast on weekends because I got to rush things on week days to avoid tardiness in going to school. I'm happy when my mother got her rest day from her daily routine. She wakes up early for me everyday, she prepares my breakfast and even my lunch, She see to it that I brought with me my umbrella, and see to it that I didn't miss anything. I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank nanay letty for helping me out everyday. Inspiring me to do my best, encouraging me to go on with life and best of all guiding me to the right path like tatay maeng also is doing to me. I love my parents. I wish that I will make them happy and proud. Have a nice day my friend enjoy life.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Everything is a surprise for us. The office did not told us that next week will be the mahiwagang evaluation week for us. I was shocked when I found out the news but what makes it good is that I still got the chance to complete all the missing thing in the classroom. I'm not in favor of this in fact they told us last year to prepare and we have been waiting for them to come yet they never showed up. I got pressured thinking of what may happen if they will come and I'm not ready it's a sad and negative thing to think of anyway. I'm struggling now just don't know why I feel too lazy to do my work and I feel there is really missing on it. I will try to put things back and think that everything is fine. I feel tired already. I think I'm sick I need to see my doctor for me to found out what is wrong with me. This too shall pass my friend. Have a nice day
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
New year was really a big start for us in school for the fact that madam is no longer with us. Our grade leader maam lyds also was replaced by maam meilen. We have to extend our patience to adjust to our new superior so far so good. We still have to wait who will be our new school principal. Building relationship is really that hard yet the only key to make a relationship work is to respect each other, accept each others strength and weaknesses, accept each others ideas, and most especially to gain the trust from other person. It is hard, it is a life long process and it is a test of genuine friendship in building relationship. I could say that to make everything work for us in our group we should work hard and take the effort to make things happen. I just hope that everything will turn out fine.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Happy New Year to all. Cheers for the new life, new year, new style, and new things to explore this year. I hope that this year will be more fruitful, meaningful and joyful year for all of us. I wish for world peace, love and unity, prosperity in the whole world, and we must also work hard to save our mother earth and Have a deep sense of change of hearts. We can achieve these all if we only going to work together hand in hand. Good luck and God bless you all
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