Goodbye My Friend

       It's been four months now that my friend has gone. I've been very lonely ever since he unexpectedly went up to heaven. We used to be partners in the organization. He is part of my life since I learn a lot of things from him. He taught me how to love, he taught me how to accept people I don't like and he magically help me go out of my shell. It's all because of him I was able to change my notion that not all guys are bad and that there are still guys who are kind and gentle. I admit that I did fall in love with him. He knows it and I told him but he refuses to reciprocate the love I have for him. He told me to forget him. My intention of telling him my feelings was not really for him to love me back. All i ever wanted to hear from him was just a simple thank you but he said the wrong words to me. I got deeply hurt and since he told me to forget him, I follow what he said to me. I force myself to forget him even if it was so hard to forget him.As years passed, I was wishing to talk to him but I avoided him and he too don't talk to me. I never had any idea of what he really feels for me. Until we graduated from our masters. I didn't know he was there. I could still remember how he smiled and greeted me but I was so shocked that I don't know how to react. I just look at him and I never did say anything to him. I didn't know that was the last time I'm going to see him smiling at me. I knew for sure that day was his happiest day in his life. It was my happiest day too.

          As years passed by I was able to get over him yet he is still in my heart. I met someone else who came and became my friend. He was also kind to me and I did again fall for this guy. But last October 31,2013, I remember how he broke my heart telling me he found someone and told me he is already into a relationship. I cried for the fact that things are not going to be the same like before because he already has a girl friend. later did I know the day my best friend told me he is going steady with his girlfriend.My friend met an accident. I was the last one to know that he met an accident when my sister told me what happen to him. I realized that I really didn't love my new found friend I realize that I still do love him.I was having second thoughts of visiting him. It was a fatal accident his right and left brain collided because he fell down riding a single motorcycle and he was bumped by a private vehicle which cause him  to suffer from right leg fracture. I finally decided to visit him and I didn't get inside his room I was just looking at him outside his room in a transparent glass-window. I could still picture out in my head how he looks like with all those gadgets and tubes attached to his body. I appear strong in the hospital but when I went home I can't help but cry seeing him that way. after that I was just praying so hard that he will be fine. I even prepared a gift card to him hoping that when he wakes up he would read my notes unfortunately I wasn't able to give it to him. Everyday I read updates on his condition until I read that he opened his eyes and can even raised his hands I was so happy and thankful then.

             A very tiring day came, I was sitting in my classroom and I was online when a friend of mine chatted me confirming if my friend is already gone. I slowly go over his account and there it was confirmed right before my very eyes that he is already gone. I was hoping it was not true. I thought he is already fine and I was thinking we could still have the chance to talk. I can't help but cry. I was really hoping that we could be friends again but fate didn't gave us the chance to talk. It was a heart breaking experience to me. Almost everyday I cried. It was a great struggle to me. Everyday, I pull myself just to make things normal as it should be. I tried having a lot of things to do for me not to remember Paulo's death. I never had the choice but to accept it and no matter how painful it is I have nothing to hold on now that he is already gone. Today I saw his picture he was so happy in his picture. I hope he is also happy to where he is now. I wish we could see him and feel even if now that he is gone.

Busy Monday

I'm very busy today. I went out from the school to fix papers for my license and for my transcript of records. I accomplished everything today the only thing I'm going to do now is to waiting for the time I'm going to get the papers I processed today. Life is bit tiring but I just got to stay focus. i received a good news from the school I didn't expect since I really didn't mind about it. I'm glad because it was a big surprise to me. I'll tell you in time what is that all about if I already fix everything. I'm so excited. I actually receive a package from ate Flor the friend of my sister. She gave me a box of Pili nuts and goodies courtesy of ate Aime. It is really delicious and it is fresh from Bicol. About the weather forecast, it is raining again. The rapid change of weather cause people to get sick. I got one pupil who is already two weeks absent and others get sick just this weekend and are absent today. I just wish they get well now and be in school tomorrow. I got to prepare for school tomorrow. I got new and excited strategy for the kids. I hope it works even if their attendance is not perfect. God Bless you my friend.

Goodbye

Losing someone you deeply love is a painful, I could not describe it. I hate goodbyes maybe that is the reason why I don't have any intimate relationship because I'm afraid to say goodbye. It is so sad that I've that my friend's husband passed away. Reading between the lines I really did cry when she shared her experience and even their love story. I don't have experience such a thing in loving someone, I mean being committed to someone but I could really feel the love they have for each other. It is a sad story. I hope she will be fine soon. I know God has all the reason and the purpose for everything.

My Speech

Imagine that I'm going to deliver my speech in a large crowd with a well decorated huge stage. here I go saying .... Good day to all of you. Today is the happiest day of my life. The moment that I have been waiting for. Yes! today is indeed a memorable one. After going through a lot of adversity, finally I have already pass my comprehensive exam. Yehey, the long wait is over. I already have won the fight. I fought a good battle. I've been through difficulties before I pass this exam. Last 2007, I failed to pass the 2 subjects out of the 10. I was almost devasted but I realized that everything happens for a reason and a purpose. I learned a lot of things from it. It taught me how to be strong, it taught me how to endure pain, it taught me how to have a strong faith and trust in God, it taught me how to accept defeat, it taught me how to love myself, and most of all it taught me how to be humble. It made me a better person inside me. It is life changing experience and turning point in my life. Before I couldn't imagine what life would be but I have survived it all. Now, I'm totally free from fear, worries and anxiety. I can sleep well. It is a new beginning that I have to face. Words are not enough to thank those people who encouraged, supported, and inspire me to win this battle. Thank you and God bless to my professors Saturnina B. Absin, Ph.D. and Lourdes G. Tolod, Ph.D who gave me the chance to pass the exam. To my parents nanay Letty and tatay Maeng who are there to support me and believe in me, My siblings Manang Pinky, Ate Lilet, Manding Mopsy, Nong Ian and Manay Tata for words of encouragement, To my Brother in law Petiak who help me in my statistics , To my aunt and uncle Tita Bella and Tito Liling who are always praying for me. To my cousins Honey, Manang Chic-Chic, Ate Dingcle, Ate Ann, Nong Bogs, Jun2x and Ronex, To my tita happy and tita coreen and auntie neneng. To my friends Ate Amy, Ate Joy,Donna, Leigh, Judson, Sowaira, Mary Lynne, Vanessa, Ate Janine, Rico and Delia. To maam Judith and Maam Micmic. A million thanks to all of you. Those people who help me in anyway to pass this exam.It feels like I'm in heaven. I know this is just the beginning of a new start. Welcome Thesis Proposal and Final Defense. (",)

Loving Oneself

It's quite alarming to know that some people expect a lot from me. I felt so surprised and disappointed when I failed to reach their expectation. A friend of mine told me I'm not here to please anybody anyway and If i fail and succeed I should accept it what's important is that I did my best and I did not hurt nor step on other people's right. If people really love me they will accept me of who I am and what have become and accept my shortcomings. If they don't like me then I won't force others to like me back. Again what matters is that I'm true to them and I show them the real me. My happiness should not depend on what others would think and feel but rather I should be happy because I chose to be happy, I follow my heart not of what others dictate and expect of me but I follow my heart because I know what is right and good for me and that I love other people not because I like them but because I love myself more. I can't love them anyway if i don't love myself. (",)