Just Another Day

I slept in the morning and when I woke up I did my household chores. My problem is that I still feel bored of my life. I have nothing to do. I wanted to do things that will keep me alive. I wanted to finish my thesis proposal but I don't know why I just can't move. I feel so helpless this time. I wanted to ask for help but I have no one to turn to. I wanted to lose weight this summer but at the back of my head I think it takes a lot of effort and hard work to lose weight but it seems like we always got a celebration here. Nanay prepares delicious foods like crabs, shrimps, adobo, and grilled fish. Almost everyday it is like living in a hotel with great food preparation. I guess nanay is testing me to have my self-control and discipline. I still didn't start with my plan like walking in the sports center or perhaps join a modern dance class just for fun. I don't have much time to waste I need to move or else it will be too late. I need to act now and let go of whatever fears and insecurities I'm feeling. Now, I realized that maybe I can't move because I dwell in the dark side of things and all the frustrating things I am experiencing right now. I need to have the courage in order for me to pursue my goals and for me to achieve them. I need to pray more I know God listens and God will help me.

The Insane Woman

Last Sunday, I attended a mass at six o'clock in the evening. I was late so I stayed outside the church. Suddenly a woman went inside the church. She was wearing a brown knitted blouse. I used to see her walking around the church. One thing that stuck me was that she is a special person yet too ordinary to be noticed at. I saw a sad person in her. I wish I could help her. She might be smiling yet looking into her eyes I saw a suffering soul within her. then I realized that I saw myself in her. I'm moved to tears. I just then realized that I am as sad as her. I felt the pain in my heart. This woman is just one ordinary person. She always goes to church almost everyday I even thought she stays in the church. She is an insane woman who escapes from the pain she is feeling inside. People escape from pain. I for one tries to get rid of it, but I believe that running away and getting rid of the problems and pain is not a solution at all. Pretending to be fine would make the pain more painful. Being blind and apathetic would make one a numb person. Acceptance, humility, forgiveness and letting go would be the best thing that I always bear in mind. Acceptance of what happen, humility to accept what happen, to forgive those who hurt me and let go of the hurtful feelings I felt. We are all insane in this cruel world we live in but the only way to stick with our sanity is to trust in God and to be strong to every challenges, trials and difficulties we encounter in our way. I'm holding on to what I have right now. I keep on Loving those people who cared for me, Help those who need me and I always try to do my job well to make God happy and proud of me. Have a nice day. (",)

Finally, Now I know.......

I was so bothered these past few days and now finally the worries are totally gone. I discovered that one of my pupils has a serious family problem. Ever since June, I always thought of winning his heart but I failed since he is not willing and he won't open up to me. Frustrating to know but maybe and surely he is hurting inside. He always wanted to be seen in the class, he wanted to appear bad and infamous to his classmates and he never took his studies seriously. I tried hard to reach out for him, but he is so close and he is so hurt that he can't even love himself for the reason he felt that his life is meaningless. He acts as if he never cares for anything and anyone even to himself. In my opinion, maybe it is his way of expressing himself how hurt he is. I feel so sad hearing the reality of what his family is going through. Now, I understand why he acted that way. I pitied him and I assure him that everything will be fine. Ding-dong is not the only pupil who got this problem. In my second batch of pupils before almost all of them suffered from this kind of problem only that those pupils were mature enough to accept that their parents could no longer be together and that they have moved on and let go of it. Accepting such thing is a process. It is hard and hurting in fact some never did escape from it but destroyed their life and ruined it. Prayer, support and guidance should be given to him. I'm praying that his wounds will be healed and that he will accept everything. In my own little way I will help him and free him from his wounded heart. Have a happy weekend my friend.