Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Childhood Issue

It is always been my fear to be rejected since I was still young. I don't understand why I was so aloof when I was still a little girl. I'm a shy type, silent and under achiever aside from having a eye problem i also lack self confidence in me. It was a mystery then a thing I can't explain within me. Discrimination was also a part of it. I felt bad about it even if they step on me I don't fight back I just keep my mouth shut and just let those kids hurt me as they could. The effect was the hatred I felt before has been rooted and grown too strong when I was growing up. I became different. I don't mix with my classmates and I don't have friends in groups. I choose to be alone. It even got worst when my best friend went to the states I was even labeled as a loner. A part of it makes me happy because I don't have the pressures of reaching an expectation from friends, I don't conform to rules which my friends would possibly imposed and lastly I'm free of the things I wanted to do. I'm not being controlled by anybody. I did have the hard time adjusting to cope with rejection and discrimination until I finally know myself and I know what I wanted from then on I was not been shaken nor been weaken if people around would reject me or discriminate me for what I am and who I am. It taught me how to love myself and to accept myself of the things that I could do and the things that I could possibly do. The thing that I always bear in my mind was that I don't really care if they don't accept me because the only person who most importantly love me is God. He will never stop loving me and He is always be there for me.

1 comment:

odds and ends said...

In a way, that helped you a lot Carms. As for me, my problem had been almost always trying to please everyone, even it hurts. But as I grow old, I learned to control my feelings and teach myself that I really need not to please everyone.

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