Thesis Proposal

Today I have a meeting with my former classmate who is already done with her thesis proposal. She is really amazing because she did her thesis as fast as she could. wow! I really admire her for that. Maam Lilian helped me out this afternoon in starting my thesis proposal. I wish , I want and I strongly aiming to start and finish my thesis. I'm kinda sick lately but I have no choice but to stay strong because I have a job to do everyday and a mission to accomplish. I just need more power ups and more rest for me to gain energy from within me. I thank God for a lot of blessings I have been receiving this year in spite of a lot of difficulties, insecurities and fear I have. Not to mention my battle against depression is really a tough job for me. God is here with me. I know that He is not leaving me to where I am now. Sometimes I'm giving up but as long as the sun is rising I have all the reasons to live and go on with life as what I'm always saying life goes on no matter what. Have a happy weekend my friend.

sleepy me

I've been sleepy lately. I don't know but I felt that this is so strange since I'm not like this before. My parents are worried about me that there must be something wrong with me. My sleeping patterns are not in good condition. I slept so late and in between my sleeping time I sometimes woke up and then I'll be wide awake then until it's about time for me to go to school. This maybe the reason why I grow so big now my weight did increase again. I'm not fat anymore but I'm obese. I really feel as sleepy as in even if I'm busy my eyes would really fall. I need to have one whole day sleep but I don't have that day that is why after class I would take a nap and take a rest. I'm so busy that I would even forget to scratch whatever itch in my body. I wish to take a vacation for life and the fact is I'll be reporting to school again on a Saturdays because the reading tutorials has resume. I got no choice but to render my service or else there will be no tutorial in school.

Busy Me Again

Next week will be our evaluation week for our school. I got to hurry for all the things I need to accomplish. I don't know if I could catch up with the deadlines. If I was not able to join the seminar I could have a lot of time to prepare but lucky me I was not there in school for four days. Anyway I don't have any choice but to catch up as soon as I can. I have to focus on a lot of things. I feel pressured in a way but I just have to take things slowly as I could for me not to feel so pressured.

Servant Leader

Last week when we have our session about servant leadership I have a lot of realization in myself. In the session we were made to form a line blindfolded with the only person who is not blindfolded is the leader in the first line. We will hold on to the shoulder of the person in front of us. Our mentor resource speakers told us to that we are going to go around the hall, streets and anywhere they are going to instruct our leaders. The rule was we should not let go of the person in front of us and we should not break the chain. At first I was so nervous because I'm afraid that I might stumble and break the chain. It was a hard session in fact after we have done it. I feel so scared that it really does bother me. I come to realized that when we in a group we should put our trust in our leader and do our part as members so that our goal and our task will be successful. Same as I am a teacher, that in everything that I do I must have confidence in me to deliver the lesson and share my knowledge to my pupils and in that way they will learn easily and have that self-confidence in them too. In all the seminars that I attended that was really one unforgettable seminars that I have ever had. I'll try to make a change and apply everything that I learned from the seminar.

Trick or Treat

If I'm situated in a western country I would prefer to have the treat than trick hehehe. Happy Halloween to everyone. I still didn't visit my love ones who are already have passed away probably I'll be going there tomorrow. I really did wonder where the dead souls are. I could feel them sometimes. Sometimes I would just got to ignore them but it is really scary. I told them not to make themselves visible to me because I would really scream hard as I could. I could hear them especially if I slept late at night or even at three O'clock in the morning. Last Friday, me and teacher christine did some encoding works in school that was almost 8pm while we were working, suddenly a big and heavy paste container just fell down from the table without anyone moving it. I just said that it's impossible. Lucky for me because I'm the only one who could feel their presence. Teacher Christine is a kind of person who really doesn't mind of the presence of these beings. She don't feel afraid of working so late in school because she really don't care of these beings for her they are always a part of the world and we should not be afraid of them. She is right but I wonder what she would really feels if she see and feel them. When I was new in school I actually go home so late because I have to fill in the big water container in the comfort room. Until one night the guard told me why am I going home so late that the fact is he told me that in my room there are unknown beings occupying my room. I got so scared then and from that time on I never go home so late if there are no urgent papers to be accomplished. Before,I refuse to believe that they occupy my room but the only thing that convinced me that they are there was when I commit an accident inside my classroom. Purely it is an accident but somebody told me someone did push me that is why I got a bone dislocation in my arm. Whatever that is I just I got to be aware that these beings exists. I got to always have FAITH in God and that He will always protect me. Happy Halloween. Enjoy the day.

The Education Revolutionary

I've been attending a four day seminar since yesterday. i was so happy to be given a opportunity to be a part of the Mentor the Mentor's Program of the Worldwide People Power Inc. It was very enriching and educational in a way that I can say that all of the topics they taught us were very helpful in aiding us in teaching, handling the kids well in school through giving a constructive feedback,Emphatic listening, have a win-win relationship by Stephen Covey and Art of Loving. I do really learned lot. The best thing I have learned yesterday was that we must be 0pen to changes and we must allow ourselves to accept change and change ourselves. We are also taught how to build relationship and Character Formation. I couldn't wait for tomorrow it is really amazing.

My Childhood Issue

It is always been my fear to be rejected since I was still young. I don't understand why I was so aloof when I was still a little girl. I'm a shy type, silent and under achiever aside from having a eye problem i also lack self confidence in me. It was a mystery then a thing I can't explain within me. Discrimination was also a part of it. I felt bad about it even if they step on me I don't fight back I just keep my mouth shut and just let those kids hurt me as they could. The effect was the hatred I felt before has been rooted and grown too strong when I was growing up. I became different. I don't mix with my classmates and I don't have friends in groups. I choose to be alone. It even got worst when my best friend went to the states I was even labeled as a loner. A part of it makes me happy because I don't have the pressures of reaching an expectation from friends, I don't conform to rules which my friends would possibly imposed and lastly I'm free of the things I wanted to do. I'm not being controlled by anybody. I did have the hard time adjusting to cope with rejection and discrimination until I finally know myself and I know what I wanted from then on I was not been shaken nor been weaken if people around would reject me or discriminate me for what I am and who I am. It taught me how to love myself and to accept myself of the things that I could do and the things that I could possibly do. The thing that I always bear in my mind was that I don't really care if they don't accept me because the only person who most importantly love me is God. He will never stop loving me and He is always be there for me.

The weird experience

Our encampment is finally over. I feel so relieved and at the same time tired. The kids were very happy. I guess the thing that I learned there was to be always prepared in all the things that I do. Planned things out ahead of time. Things were actually mixed up before we finally decided to join the camp. We did win but not the champions of the game so sad but it is charged to experience anyway. The weird thing happened was when the event was nearly over I felt a rapid beating in my heart I wondered why that happened so sudden that when I went out the school I was nearly bumped by a vehicle my co-teacher reacted so badly that I felt that I woke up from a deep sleep. I was shocked lucky that someone was there maam corazon, saved me from that scary thing. She told me that I could have died from that accident but I do believe that angels are there to rescue me. I come to realized that life is precious and that I still have a mission to fulfill in this life. Thanks to maam cora and thank you God. Have a happy weekend my friend.

Too Late

It was a disaster day for me because I was caught in a nick of time. I got late again that I almost went to school at 8 am. It was so far the most worst time I arrived in school. I really couldn't believe it but it happened I thought it will only happen in my wildest dreams but it really happen in reality. I feel so bad about it. I actually woke up so early but unfortunately after I took a bath and I'm already ready and set to go to school at 6am but I got so sleepy that the worst thing that happened was I fell asleep. When I woke up it is already 7:30 am imagine to that I just took three spoonful for breakfast. The good thing was I did not wait for a lifetime to get a vehicle to go to school it just took me seconds to get one and no traffic in whatsoever distractions in the road. God is good I do believe that one of His angels woke me up just to let me go to school and show up for my pupils who waited for me until I arrived and miraculously they were patient in waiting for me not even one went home thinking that I'll be absent today. I will never let this day happen again. I wish. Pray for me. God bless you my friend.

The Good Son

I have a pupil who is a head turner to all his classmates not because he is good in the class but because he has his attitudes that his classmates don't like. He teases, make fun and hurt his classmates in so many ways. Everytime he do all these things naturally I always see to it to tell him what is right and what he should supposed to treat his classmates. I do believe that he can actually be a good boy. I wonder why he is like that. In a long time of waiting I finally able to talk with his mother. The thing was the statement of his mother and father are different from each other. When I have encounters with them. I'm kind of confused of whom to believe. For his dad he is not good. He even told me that he is an headache to his mother but when I talked to his mother she told me that of all her sons he is the most kind and responsible. I'm so puzzled that I could not believe of what she told me. I come to realized that maybe they really have a problem in their family in which his mother wanted to keep it. It is unbelievable when the child displays a different person in the class far different from who he is at home. There must be a problem behind it. The thing that I choose to believe was that in his life there must be an empty space that needs to be fill that is affection, attention and love.

GSP Encampment

I don't want to go but they invited my to join them my point was I don't have pupils to look after too because the grade four pupils are not included anyway but is a call of duty and I should be there. I just got to think that I'm excited that I could meet new teachers and be of service to my co-teachers too.

The mask

I've been lazy lately. It just that I was so upset to one of my pupils. It is no big deal now I have forgiven her anyway but the only thing changes was that I don't trust her anymore. It pains me to remember that I put my trust on her and yet she broke it in her own way. I don't want to tell what happen to protect her. I thought she was true but now I found out that she is wearing a mask. amazing because she deceives me so badly. At least now her true self was revealed. I learned my lesson now that I should just not trust easily but knowing myself I don't actually trust that easily i just chose her because I really thought she is sincere. Next time I would always have to choose who is worthy and reliable. Have a cool day friends it is raining here in our place.

The event

I hope that our Investiture tomorrow will be successful. I hope kids are ok and will behave tomorrow I could relax now and have fun. I still have a lot of task to be done. I just got to take things one at a time. I got so mixed up somehow I just have to fix things now I got no choice but to put things straight tomorrow I have to go to my mentor I have to start with my thesis. wish me luck.

Busy Day

It is raining and I woke up late again. Good News I was not late for work today. It's just that I got so busy in so many things in school. My grades are all done now. yes! later did I know I have new results to calculate with hehehe. Just to enumerate the things I'm going to do 1. I have encoding job for HEKASI 2nd quarter examination test paper, 2. I'm in charge of the GSP investiture for grade 4 this coming Friday and conduct a Save the Planet activity for the newly invest Junior Scouts, 3. I have Phil-IRI results calculated and interpret the results for both silent and oral reading, 4. I have a lesson plan to accomplish for tommorrow, 5. I have pictures to develop for the monthly report lucky me they did not let me write the report and 6. I have pupils to guide and monitor with. Sometimes I wish to take a rest because I think I'm already tired what keeps me going are the kids who always there looking forward to see me everyday in school. I'm just glad that I don't have to go to school this Saturday because the NSTP students are already on their processing sessions they will be back on November. Yehey! I have all the time to sleep and have fun on weekend this October.

World Teacher's Day

I was surprise when kids brought me flowers and cards today. I'm strongly wishing that the mischievous kids will change into good and responsible pupils. I thought they won't give anything since I didn't tell them that it will be World Teacher's Day. We have fun I even dance without practice in the program because they let me I have no choice but to dance. In the afternoon we had co-teachers bonding time. It was really fun and relaxing.

Reality

I don't know what will happen tomorrow but I'm happy that it will be just another ordinary day for me. My brother is coming home from Manila. I hope that he got something for us hehehe. Anyway, I called up my sister today She sounds like she is sick. She told us that she is still adjusting to the climate there. I hope that she will be fine. I also wrote an e-mail to her. I'm quite sad again because I got to remember her again when she was still here in the Philippines. When they were here when I'm on my way from school I always look forward to see their car parked outside the house and now when I go home from school there is no more car that I look forward to see then I realized that I still miss my sister and I was just pretending that I'm ok. It is ok this too shall pass I know that I'll get over this soon. I know someday I'll visit them soon. Not now but soon.

Cool Saturday

I'm ok today I just feel so sleepy. I got to accomplish all the things I need to finish. The XU NSTP peace park team finished their mural project in our peace park in school. It was amazing the artist paints well. I wish I have such good skills. This monday we will celebrate the Global Teacher's Day. They told me that I'm going to present something in the program. I don't think I could do that but I'm going to try. They also say we got to wear something special I would probably wear my favorite dress. I wonder if my kids will have a surprise for me but if they don't have it's ok.

Better late than absent

I'm taking things slowly but surely but the problem is what if I would be late for the deadlines, speaking of late I noticed that this week I almost got late everyday for school yikes I know I'm not being a model to them at this point in time. I'll try my best to wake up early probably tomorrow. I don't want to be late its just that I just woke up at 6am then when I'm out waiting for the vehicle it would take me years to wait. life seems mixed up. I'm trying to fix it anyway. I've been through a lot of task in school and I'm glad they are all done. The thing I'm worried are the grades of my kids. My grades are still waiting for me to calculate them I wish I could finish them by this week. I've finished some subjects but there are still pending more. yes! there will be no area work this Saturday but I got to be there for the students who are in charge in setting up the peace park in school. I'm busy this week for the GSP investiture. I wish they will be ready for it because I think they are not. I wish I have a partner to trained them I'm not martyr or a saint I might as well seek help with my co-teachers with a matching puss in boots look in Shrek the movie hehehe. Have a happy day ahead. Do pray for the flood victims in the Philippines.

Complicated

I got a new class to teach tomorrow. I may have fewer subject to teach now since I gave the two additional subjects back but I got a new class to teach with. Adjustment again but I'm ok especially that I got to teach my favorite subject in this new class. yehey! sad to say one of the teachers in my class is being pulled out due to some reason that I could not control anymore if only she did not do such a thing she could still be teaching my class. I'm also sad thinking too that I could no longer teach her class. I will miss the kids and all the fun that we did in the class but that is life after all. I have to help the school instead giving additional burden to madam. I maybe saying ok but deep inside I felt a deep lost in losing maam lilian in the class. She is a good teacher, a traditional type one a perfect disciplinarian and a smart teacher too. Sometimes I don't like the idea that we give much favor to the kids. They could do stuff in the class which we don't like and whatever happens still people would protect them even if what they are doing is wrong. The blame is all put to the teacher then if the teacher commits a mistake then they will file charges against the teacher from child abuse. I'm not saying we should not give benefits to the kids no not still the child has all the rights to enjoy living ones life what I'm after is that disciplining should be distinct from abuse. Kids now is much different from kids before. They tease teacher, They do things without any fear of hurting anyone and they have no focus in what they need to really do with their life. Often teacher who discipline kids were being charge with child abuse without considering the side of the teacher. My best advice to parents is to discipline their kids first before they enter the class. The teacher's job should only be teaching the kids to learned and to grow into a mature and responsible child. I guess what is hard is that we become like parents to them. The painful fact is that even if we treat them like our own they won't see the value of it maybe for some kids but for others who have unresolved issues they won't give importance to the efforts extended to them. This the sad fact anyway they have their own life and choices to choose we could not force ourselves to be accepted and be reciprocated.

Moving on

I'm moving on now. I have to go on with life even if my sister is not here. I have a lot of things to do and i have to accomplish a lot of things. I have a lot of task to do too. I wish I could finish them all next week. School is quite frustrating especially to those who care less of their education. I have no choice but to do my job on reminding them everyday that they must do good in their studies. Speaking of the current situation of the country honestly, my heart breaks seeing those people who lost lives and victims of a natural disaster. I hope and pray that all those who are missing are found and all those people who lost their love ones to remain strong and just hold on to whatever they could hold on to. I know for sure that God is there and He will never leave us.

The Final Day

I never wish this to happen but I need to let go and say goodbye for awhile for my sister and her family. I did not go with them in the airport since I still have a class. I was the one who prepared breakfast that day when they are going to Manila. I was so sad then imagine I made history because I'm the only person who got teary eyes while chopping garlic instead of the onions hehehe I was late I was supposed to be on leave but I got no choice because the day before that I was sent to another school science competition and I wasn't able to have a class then. Life has to go on I always thought before that I could not survive with it but I was wrong I know that I could get over this soon not now.

Activities of the Day

I got a real busy day today. I went to school for our reading tutorial then we also have our feeding activity after the tutorial. After lunch time I joined the Girls Scouts Escoda Day in the afternoon which I should supposed to attend to the whole day, yet I fail to be there since my assistant coordinator in reading got sick she can't be in school to monitor the pupils as well as the college students who are tutors of the kids. The attendance was ok. Everything went well a million thanks to Barangay Councilor Cabili of Barangay Camaman-an for being there and did the preparation of food with the barangay nutrition workers and with the parents, Nadine and Glou my student volunteers since Sir Maeng the NSTP facilitator was not there because he got other obligation to accomplish with and most especially Maam Christine, Maam Flordeliz, Maam Nida, and Maam Tita for sharing with us their rooms for the tutorials. I thank God that it went well for today. Congratulations for a job well done.

Time is up

In a few days from now, my sister and her family is going to Canada. I know for sure that I'm going to miss them especially my sister. Ate lilet is the only person that I could talk to in whatever I feel, bothered with and even financial problems aside from tatay since Mand mopsy moved to the states. I wish her and her family a happy and prosperous life there in Canada. I know that I could survive without her but it will take time for me to adjust to it that is life after all. I've been through this I know that in time I will be ok.

the truth is...

I really know what is the exact root of the problem why kids are passive and it seems like they wanted to play forever. I wonder how I could let them see the good things in life that they could possibly achieve if only they will do good in their studies. The truth is... it is hard for them to dream when all they ever experienced is such difficulties in life. I can't blame them for not aiming high and for not doing well in their studies it is just the matter in how good I am as teacher to motivate them for them to do good and be better learners in school. The exposure that they got at home and in their community is more strongly would influence them. I can't force them maybe in time they will realized the value of education as they walk to their journey in their life. Transforming an individual is a process it is not an abrupt change. Everything happens in a right time.

Double trouble

I'm still in the state of shock when I found out they are giving me two new subjects to teach. I have no choice but to accept it. It is quite alarming to know that I'll be fully loaded. It is in me that I could make the load lighter as possible. I know I got to adjust with this. Madam told me to accept it because for the reason that I am younger than them thinking that I know that adding two subject is a burden to my part. I don't need to worry I know as what I always say that everything happens for a reason. I know that I will learned from it and I could benefit from it soon. It is charged to experience. I'm trying to be happy. I'm holding on to my wish list. I'm sure that all I wish for will come true. God bless you my friend please pray for me I need it badly hehehe

Busy bee again

I got so busy again yesterday that is why I got tired today. I wish there is no class for me to rest. I have no choice but to report and stay normal as it is. I'm starting to think of options which I should do to my life. Today the priest said in the mass that we should know thy self for us to know our purpose here on earth. I know for sure that I'm meant to be a teacher but I wonder why sometimes I feel that I'm still looking and searching for something that really makes me happy other than teaching. I guess I just needed to tell myself that I'm doing well that I'm in a right track and that nothing is perfect. Whatever imperfections I'm experiencing right now are just obstacles in my path that I need to take for me to grow and be a better person as I should be.

Mysterious woman

Last summer our neighbor died of a motorcycle accident. I was surprised when they broke out the news because that same night I saw her and her husband riding with their motorcycle. I wonder why that happens but the weird part was that yesterday I actually saw a woman who physically looks like her. She looks like her I got scared because I knew for sure that she is already dead. I hope it just her look a like thing. I guess she wanted me to pray for her. I got stuck to where I was standing when I saw that woman taking a walk wearing a black shirt and a white jogging pants i felt weird maybe perhaps it was just in my imagination. I always hear and sometimes see weird beings but I was hoping that I will no longer feel their presence and be connected to them but no matter what they are here and I just got to let them be part of my life. As long as they are good to me It is ok with me.

Thinking Positive thoughts

When things got so very depressing I always try to change it to different mode. It helps sometimes but sometimes it doesn't. I hope that everything will be fine soon. I'm not losing hope I'm still thinking that things will get better. Everything happens for a reason whatever that is I know it is for the better. My thesis proposal is still sleeping and trying to survive. I got to move now after this Division Science Competition I could now focus to it. I still could not find ways to insert it in my schedule but hopefully I could divide my time. I have to be positive that I could accomplish it before the semester ends. Things will change next week and I got to prepare myself. I have no choice but to accept that change it is for my own good. I know I will survive and I could adjust to it well. It make take time for me to be fully adjusted to the kind of situation but I know I will be fine soon. Pray for me

Reading Activity

Today I conduct an oral reading in English and Filipino. My kids got bored because they have to wait for their turn. I let them read individually. I found out that some of them are dyslexic, some of them are slow readers and some are non-readers. I could only pick kids that are good in reading. So sad but true. They need to practice and exposed themselves in reading. I can't blame myself in this situation but I got to do something about it. I've been busy lately of so many school activities I realized that I need to give time to them. I know I could do this with an extended patience and a little endurance. I need to work hard to achieve this I can do this I will do this. I'll help them improve how to read. I just hope that they are will to get help. God bless you.

Sunday Escapade

All I did today was to sleep and do nothing again. I got so very tired naturally because I worked 6 days a week. There is no class because it is the burial of the religious leader tomorrow. I wish I could accomplish the things I need to do. I thought I'll be relax now but I'm not I got to keep on going gonna keep on going no I'll never give up got to keep on going got to keep on going.

Instant

I got a very busy day. We have our launching of the feeding program and we officially start our reading tutorial. Me and maam Christine become an instant emcee. We didn't prepare any program it's funny because we don't know what to say hehehe. It went well and we end up successful today. I hope next Saturday kids will be all present again. I got sad of some pupils who were not able to join because I know that they are willing. Me and maam Christine are hoping to create a reading club for the non-readers and slow readers in the school. Hopefully our goal will be achieved soon. Have a happy weekend my friend.

Yes We Won!

This day marks history that We won in the Science Competition. Yes we made it in the Investigatory Project individual category. In the team we fail to make it. I hope that ate joy will not get disappointed to what happen. Anyway I did my part I guess everything I sacrificed is all worth it. In the sad part my quiz bee contestant did not make it to the first place they told me I should have let them help me but I know and they know for sure that it is their responsibility to review the kid and I am in charge to help the pupil for investigatory project but I just did the initiative to review the kid since July. I've been busy lately and they did not even bother to ask me. They did not even make a move to review the child. If it is really my fault then I just got to say SORRY. I hope I could forgive myself from committing such stupid mistake. I worked hard to review the child and help her in many ways maybe it is not yet her time to win the contest at least she got an experience. I hope I'll get over this I'm hurt of what happened. I just hope I could just forget everything about it.

Wandering around

I've been going around in circles trying to escape yet for sure I'm nowhere to go and there is no way out. I have to face whatever there is I need to resolve there is no turning back anyway I got to move on. I know it is not easy but I have to try. It's yna's birthday today. I got emotional when I remembered what happen last year. It's a turning point in my life then. I never knew that I could survive from that situation. I don't want to tell you now I'm sure I'm going to burst maybe next time I still can't get over it when It cross my mind. The birthday went well yna is now 2 I hope she grow up to be a good, intelligent and God fearing child. Tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for. God bless you my friend

Mixed Up

I can't explain how I feel right now I know that I've been feeling depress lately it's been four months now. I'm not doing something about it yet I'm alarmed that my family notice it. It affects me a lot I continue to ask guidance from God that he gave me the strength to go on. I'm counting the days and keep on thinking that things will get better soon. Now that I turned thirty I plan to change my routine I must make a way to have more time with God, Reflect a lot and to learn how to love myself more. I just got to think of happy thoughts anyway for me to avoid feeling lonely. I know that happiness is just a state of mind yet when things just keeps getting rough everyday I can't help it but breakdown. I have to endure this or else as I always say I will end up a loser. I don't want to give up I have fought a lot of battles in life and won a lot of it. I've been through painful and difficult moments and learned a lot of lesson from it.Now that I have come too far I believe that It is not definitely the time to end up everything besides I know things will not last forever. Looking back at the life that I have lived I can say that I have survived. I pass the test and now I know in this new battle I'm in I would surpass and resolve it.

Amazing

My topic today is about the life cycle of the frog. It was funny because before I started the lesson i integrate Filipino subject to Science. I did a storytelling in Filipino about the Frog Prince the kids were very attentive and they even come up with a lot of questions today. I'm happy because they were able to understand the lesson. The value I integrate in the lesson is being kind to others, fulfilling ones promise and most importantly is to embrace change in our life. Sounds weird but I realized that I need to follow this virtues too especially in embracing the changes in my life and in myself. It states there that for about 8 to 10 weeks the frog undergoes metamorphosis. I told them we too human being experience metamorphosis in many ways. When we change it must be for the better and not for the worst. It was an amazing day for me I hope my day tomorrow will be much more better than today. God bless