Complicated

I got a new class to teach tomorrow. I may have fewer subject to teach now since I gave the two additional subjects back but I got a new class to teach with. Adjustment again but I'm ok especially that I got to teach my favorite subject in this new class. yehey! sad to say one of the teachers in my class is being pulled out due to some reason that I could not control anymore if only she did not do such a thing she could still be teaching my class. I'm also sad thinking too that I could no longer teach her class. I will miss the kids and all the fun that we did in the class but that is life after all. I have to help the school instead giving additional burden to madam. I maybe saying ok but deep inside I felt a deep lost in losing maam lilian in the class. She is a good teacher, a traditional type one a perfect disciplinarian and a smart teacher too. Sometimes I don't like the idea that we give much favor to the kids. They could do stuff in the class which we don't like and whatever happens still people would protect them even if what they are doing is wrong. The blame is all put to the teacher then if the teacher commits a mistake then they will file charges against the teacher from child abuse. I'm not saying we should not give benefits to the kids no not still the child has all the rights to enjoy living ones life what I'm after is that disciplining should be distinct from abuse. Kids now is much different from kids before. They tease teacher, They do things without any fear of hurting anyone and they have no focus in what they need to really do with their life. Often teacher who discipline kids were being charge with child abuse without considering the side of the teacher. My best advice to parents is to discipline their kids first before they enter the class. The teacher's job should only be teaching the kids to learned and to grow into a mature and responsible child. I guess what is hard is that we become like parents to them. The painful fact is that even if we treat them like our own they won't see the value of it maybe for some kids but for others who have unresolved issues they won't give importance to the efforts extended to them. This the sad fact anyway they have their own life and choices to choose we could not force ourselves to be accepted and be reciprocated.

Moving on

I'm moving on now. I have to go on with life even if my sister is not here. I have a lot of things to do and i have to accomplish a lot of things. I have a lot of task to do too. I wish I could finish them all next week. School is quite frustrating especially to those who care less of their education. I have no choice but to do my job on reminding them everyday that they must do good in their studies. Speaking of the current situation of the country honestly, my heart breaks seeing those people who lost lives and victims of a natural disaster. I hope and pray that all those who are missing are found and all those people who lost their love ones to remain strong and just hold on to whatever they could hold on to. I know for sure that God is there and He will never leave us.

The Final Day

I never wish this to happen but I need to let go and say goodbye for awhile for my sister and her family. I did not go with them in the airport since I still have a class. I was the one who prepared breakfast that day when they are going to Manila. I was so sad then imagine I made history because I'm the only person who got teary eyes while chopping garlic instead of the onions hehehe I was late I was supposed to be on leave but I got no choice because the day before that I was sent to another school science competition and I wasn't able to have a class then. Life has to go on I always thought before that I could not survive with it but I was wrong I know that I could get over this soon not now.

Activities of the Day

I got a real busy day today. I went to school for our reading tutorial then we also have our feeding activity after the tutorial. After lunch time I joined the Girls Scouts Escoda Day in the afternoon which I should supposed to attend to the whole day, yet I fail to be there since my assistant coordinator in reading got sick she can't be in school to monitor the pupils as well as the college students who are tutors of the kids. The attendance was ok. Everything went well a million thanks to Barangay Councilor Cabili of Barangay Camaman-an for being there and did the preparation of food with the barangay nutrition workers and with the parents, Nadine and Glou my student volunteers since Sir Maeng the NSTP facilitator was not there because he got other obligation to accomplish with and most especially Maam Christine, Maam Flordeliz, Maam Nida, and Maam Tita for sharing with us their rooms for the tutorials. I thank God that it went well for today. Congratulations for a job well done.

Time is up

In a few days from now, my sister and her family is going to Canada. I know for sure that I'm going to miss them especially my sister. Ate lilet is the only person that I could talk to in whatever I feel, bothered with and even financial problems aside from tatay since Mand mopsy moved to the states. I wish her and her family a happy and prosperous life there in Canada. I know that I could survive without her but it will take time for me to adjust to it that is life after all. I've been through this I know that in time I will be ok.

the truth is...

I really know what is the exact root of the problem why kids are passive and it seems like they wanted to play forever. I wonder how I could let them see the good things in life that they could possibly achieve if only they will do good in their studies. The truth is... it is hard for them to dream when all they ever experienced is such difficulties in life. I can't blame them for not aiming high and for not doing well in their studies it is just the matter in how good I am as teacher to motivate them for them to do good and be better learners in school. The exposure that they got at home and in their community is more strongly would influence them. I can't force them maybe in time they will realized the value of education as they walk to their journey in their life. Transforming an individual is a process it is not an abrupt change. Everything happens in a right time.

Double trouble

I'm still in the state of shock when I found out they are giving me two new subjects to teach. I have no choice but to accept it. It is quite alarming to know that I'll be fully loaded. It is in me that I could make the load lighter as possible. I know I got to adjust with this. Madam told me to accept it because for the reason that I am younger than them thinking that I know that adding two subject is a burden to my part. I don't need to worry I know as what I always say that everything happens for a reason. I know that I will learned from it and I could benefit from it soon. It is charged to experience. I'm trying to be happy. I'm holding on to my wish list. I'm sure that all I wish for will come true. God bless you my friend please pray for me I need it badly hehehe

Busy bee again

I got so busy again yesterday that is why I got tired today. I wish there is no class for me to rest. I have no choice but to report and stay normal as it is. I'm starting to think of options which I should do to my life. Today the priest said in the mass that we should know thy self for us to know our purpose here on earth. I know for sure that I'm meant to be a teacher but I wonder why sometimes I feel that I'm still looking and searching for something that really makes me happy other than teaching. I guess I just needed to tell myself that I'm doing well that I'm in a right track and that nothing is perfect. Whatever imperfections I'm experiencing right now are just obstacles in my path that I need to take for me to grow and be a better person as I should be.

Mysterious woman

Last summer our neighbor died of a motorcycle accident. I was surprised when they broke out the news because that same night I saw her and her husband riding with their motorcycle. I wonder why that happens but the weird part was that yesterday I actually saw a woman who physically looks like her. She looks like her I got scared because I knew for sure that she is already dead. I hope it just her look a like thing. I guess she wanted me to pray for her. I got stuck to where I was standing when I saw that woman taking a walk wearing a black shirt and a white jogging pants i felt weird maybe perhaps it was just in my imagination. I always hear and sometimes see weird beings but I was hoping that I will no longer feel their presence and be connected to them but no matter what they are here and I just got to let them be part of my life. As long as they are good to me It is ok with me.

Thinking Positive thoughts

When things got so very depressing I always try to change it to different mode. It helps sometimes but sometimes it doesn't. I hope that everything will be fine soon. I'm not losing hope I'm still thinking that things will get better. Everything happens for a reason whatever that is I know it is for the better. My thesis proposal is still sleeping and trying to survive. I got to move now after this Division Science Competition I could now focus to it. I still could not find ways to insert it in my schedule but hopefully I could divide my time. I have to be positive that I could accomplish it before the semester ends. Things will change next week and I got to prepare myself. I have no choice but to accept that change it is for my own good. I know I will survive and I could adjust to it well. It make take time for me to be fully adjusted to the kind of situation but I know I will be fine soon. Pray for me

Reading Activity

Today I conduct an oral reading in English and Filipino. My kids got bored because they have to wait for their turn. I let them read individually. I found out that some of them are dyslexic, some of them are slow readers and some are non-readers. I could only pick kids that are good in reading. So sad but true. They need to practice and exposed themselves in reading. I can't blame myself in this situation but I got to do something about it. I've been busy lately of so many school activities I realized that I need to give time to them. I know I could do this with an extended patience and a little endurance. I need to work hard to achieve this I can do this I will do this. I'll help them improve how to read. I just hope that they are will to get help. God bless you.

Sunday Escapade

All I did today was to sleep and do nothing again. I got so very tired naturally because I worked 6 days a week. There is no class because it is the burial of the religious leader tomorrow. I wish I could accomplish the things I need to do. I thought I'll be relax now but I'm not I got to keep on going gonna keep on going no I'll never give up got to keep on going got to keep on going.

Instant

I got a very busy day. We have our launching of the feeding program and we officially start our reading tutorial. Me and maam Christine become an instant emcee. We didn't prepare any program it's funny because we don't know what to say hehehe. It went well and we end up successful today. I hope next Saturday kids will be all present again. I got sad of some pupils who were not able to join because I know that they are willing. Me and maam Christine are hoping to create a reading club for the non-readers and slow readers in the school. Hopefully our goal will be achieved soon. Have a happy weekend my friend.

Yes We Won!

This day marks history that We won in the Science Competition. Yes we made it in the Investigatory Project individual category. In the team we fail to make it. I hope that ate joy will not get disappointed to what happen. Anyway I did my part I guess everything I sacrificed is all worth it. In the sad part my quiz bee contestant did not make it to the first place they told me I should have let them help me but I know and they know for sure that it is their responsibility to review the kid and I am in charge to help the pupil for investigatory project but I just did the initiative to review the kid since July. I've been busy lately and they did not even bother to ask me. They did not even make a move to review the child. If it is really my fault then I just got to say SORRY. I hope I could forgive myself from committing such stupid mistake. I worked hard to review the child and help her in many ways maybe it is not yet her time to win the contest at least she got an experience. I hope I'll get over this I'm hurt of what happened. I just hope I could just forget everything about it.

Wandering around

I've been going around in circles trying to escape yet for sure I'm nowhere to go and there is no way out. I have to face whatever there is I need to resolve there is no turning back anyway I got to move on. I know it is not easy but I have to try. It's yna's birthday today. I got emotional when I remembered what happen last year. It's a turning point in my life then. I never knew that I could survive from that situation. I don't want to tell you now I'm sure I'm going to burst maybe next time I still can't get over it when It cross my mind. The birthday went well yna is now 2 I hope she grow up to be a good, intelligent and God fearing child. Tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for. God bless you my friend

Mixed Up

I can't explain how I feel right now I know that I've been feeling depress lately it's been four months now. I'm not doing something about it yet I'm alarmed that my family notice it. It affects me a lot I continue to ask guidance from God that he gave me the strength to go on. I'm counting the days and keep on thinking that things will get better soon. Now that I turned thirty I plan to change my routine I must make a way to have more time with God, Reflect a lot and to learn how to love myself more. I just got to think of happy thoughts anyway for me to avoid feeling lonely. I know that happiness is just a state of mind yet when things just keeps getting rough everyday I can't help it but breakdown. I have to endure this or else as I always say I will end up a loser. I don't want to give up I have fought a lot of battles in life and won a lot of it. I've been through painful and difficult moments and learned a lot of lesson from it.Now that I have come too far I believe that It is not definitely the time to end up everything besides I know things will not last forever. Looking back at the life that I have lived I can say that I have survived. I pass the test and now I know in this new battle I'm in I would surpass and resolve it.

Amazing

My topic today is about the life cycle of the frog. It was funny because before I started the lesson i integrate Filipino subject to Science. I did a storytelling in Filipino about the Frog Prince the kids were very attentive and they even come up with a lot of questions today. I'm happy because they were able to understand the lesson. The value I integrate in the lesson is being kind to others, fulfilling ones promise and most importantly is to embrace change in our life. Sounds weird but I realized that I need to follow this virtues too especially in embracing the changes in my life and in myself. It states there that for about 8 to 10 weeks the frog undergoes metamorphosis. I told them we too human being experience metamorphosis in many ways. When we change it must be for the better and not for the worst. It was an amazing day for me I hope my day tomorrow will be much more better than today. God bless

My Day

I just turned thirty today. I'm old now. Few of my treasured friends greet me today. I don't mind if I there are only a few people who greeted me compared the last year I won't mind. The important thing is that God gave me another chance to live my life again to make things right, to face my plight and to make things better. I know I still have a mission in life that I need to fulfill whatever that is I hope I could accomplish it well and right. Each of us has our own life then while I was there in the church this morning I was thinking what would life be if ... I started to question am I alone here? I come to realized that a lot of people too have their own path, have their own way and they have own life to fix with just like mine. I come to think that I'm not alone anyway the only secret is that I just need to remember that God will never give me problems which I cannot handle. Life seems hard but I got to stand still and go on with it. I got no choice but to live with it or else I'll lose my sanity anyway what is important is that I'm still sane hehehe. I miss eating chocolates I might as well buy chocolates tomorrow hehehe God bless you my friend

Long Holiday

I find it relaxing to have a vacation but thinking of what is going to happen in the week days is not as relaxing as what I'm thinking. I have a lot of things to do again and I need to rush things or else I'll do nothing. I'll do it tonight. I'll fix everything I need to fix. I will finish all tonight. I'm now ready for other chapter in my life. Looking back the last year's experience was a storm for me but it made me the person I am now. It's was difficult to face all those adversities I have faced last year. I never thought I would survived but I did I was always saying that I could not endure everything but lucky I have surpassed it. Now I come to realized that God would not give something we can't resolved. It was a turning point in life. I hope everything will be fine. Happy Weekend

Vocation

We have fun today celebrating our city fiesta. Viva San Augustine! I got to be with my old friends maam alice and weng. Weng just came out of the convent. I'm still wondering how it feels like to be in the convent all I ever knew was that my ultimate dream is to be a nun but maybe I will be wondering for the rest of my life because I still wasn't able to enter the convent. One congregation told me to have a boyfriend first before entering the convent to experience human love but the problem is that here is one kept secret I got is that I never had a boyfriend ever in my life. Since I don't have one maybe I will never be in the convent. I'll be turnng thirty this Monday (I'm old na) I guess and I'll be single and satisfied for life. I'll be serving God in my own little way. I remember back then My spiritual counselor Sister Josefa ask me why I have the desire to enter the convent I just told her that because I love Jesus and Jesus loves me and He is the only one who truly loves me. For sure God destined me to be a teacher to serve the kids and touch their lives. There are a lot of times I tried quitting but I always end up going to back to teaching. Sometimes I got frustrated like what happened yesterday that only few kids went to school just for the reason that they wanted to watch and join the activities in our city fiesta I need to understand that it's just a test of patience and endurance in how I got to handle such situation I felt embrassed about it but now I realized that these things happen for me to accept that nothing is perfect that I need to do something next time that the kids will not be absent in school anymore. It's not my fault anyway I did not tell them to be absent but it's their own decision to be absent and I just got to go with the flow. I feel bad about it honestly I will talk to them and tell them what I truly feel about what they did. Happy weekend my friend.

Nothing to do

I got nothing to do in school kids are almost absent today in school. I feel sad about it that is why my blood presssure went up. I think I got to control my feelings otherwise I'm going to have a bad day. All I did today is to fill up forms and do fixing jobs in school. Tomorrow is our City fiesta. I wanted to have fun or perhaps go out alone again having my own window shopping it's just that I got a lot of work to do. I just got to stay in the house or hear mass in the afternoon. I hope my sister and her family will visit us tomorrow.

I'm back

It's nice to be back I've been quite lazy checking e-mails and posting articles. I'm having a full time baby sitting with my two nieces they also got sick like me that is why I took care of them. I help my sister in taking care of her babies.I'm ok now. I'm still that busy though but I take things at a time. I have to stay focus or else I'm going to be distracted again. I know that everything happens for a reason whatever that is I know it will always be for the better. I'm trying to enjoy my free time now I know that there is only a few days from now and I'll be free from all the burden at least now I have a partner for the tutorial every Saturday. Thanks to madam she gave me maam Christine at least there will be someone to help me. Thanks God too. God bless you my friend.

Lazy me

I've been trying to recover my strength from my illness. I have my whole day sleeping session and I have all the time to relax and think nothing but sleep. Now that time is over all I need to do now is to work again and think of the things I should suppose to do for tomorrow and for the whole week. Life has to go on. I may wish to rest a little longer but I have to accept the fact that I should keep going for work. There is no more time for relaxing. I got to prepare for tomorrow's lesson. I know and I'm sure that everything will be ok and successful tomorrow. Think positive all the time. It works and it's effective.

Project 101

The investigatory project we are making is finally done. Sad to say I still have one more project to do. I'm have to start it on monday. Tomorrow I'm going to continue with the skills training for the college students. Next week will be more busy than this week because the tutorial participants should be carefully selected by me and my new partner teacher Christine, madam and the barangay worker then next Saturday will be the first meeting tutorial sessions. i'm exhausted really but I just got to have strength now that what I truly want to happen is now slowly come to realize funny because before I was just dreaming now I'm actually achieving it already. I'm tired but I just got to continue. It's God's will and I need to help them so that together our goals will be fulfilled. Have a happy weekend my friend.

I'm ok now.

Things got mixed up these last past few days especially when I got sick. when I went back to school, things got totally change. My responsibility got too complicated now and it becomes more harder and bigger but I got no choice but to do it and finish it. I got to talked with our Congressman for the feeding program for the tutees of the NSTP tutorial. I'm not used to talking with people in position anyway I think yesterday is history. I'm back now I wish I'm ok forever and whatever happens I should always put in mind that God will never leave me as long as He is there I will never be shaken. Thank you God

I'm not feeling well

I've been sick for four straight days now. I don't know what curse or virus has gotten in me. I really feel so weak. Wish I could do something to make me feel well quickly. I've been worried thinking what the kids are doing now that I'm not around in school. I was thinking of going to school but I'm still weak. Wish I could go to school tomorrow and fix everything that I need to fix. I'm praying that everything is ok that I could accomplish everything that I need to do. I just felt that there is a negative force that ruined my positive disposition and turn everything into a jinx and it just happen like a chain reaction. I always believe that everything happens with a purpose and that there is always a reason for everything whatever that is I wish that it will be for the good and not for the worst. wish me well my friend.

Forgiveness

Forgiving someone is sometimes hard to do but we just got to do it in order not to break the bond but sometimes when pain and hatred gets along the way forgiveness is really hard to do. I've been suffering from this struggle for three years but when I finally learned to let go of it and free myself from the hurt and pain inside It feels good to let go and forgive the people who have cause me pain and disappointment.I've been feeling guilty of the wrong things that I've done in the past without saying sorry to the ones that I've carelessly hurt before. Now that I can't turn back the time the only thing that I always did was to forgive myself of the things that I've done to them and move on. I can proudly say to you now that I forgive the people who hurt me and who hated me as person. I can't force them if they hate me then it's ok I can't please everybody. I respect their opinion. I'm not perfect and I'm not like them. I just got to let these things go. It doesn't make me happy anyway and It doesn't help me at all. I better break the ice and chill. If God can forgive why can't I. Forgiveness taught me how to be humble. The fact is when you forgive someone, it does not make you a lesser person as you. Have a happy weekend my friend.

Periodical Exam

I don't have any idea what is the results of their exam today. I hope it will be fine and ok. One the supervisors went to school and get in my class today. I got so nervous but she didn't stay long kids behave well when she get in my classroom lucky day . I don't know if it is going to be ok for me everyday now that everyday I got to work with pressure in my hands sad thing but I got to accept it and we all have to live a life like that just got to cope with the challenge they post in us. It will be okay as long as we are all ready. Life seems so fast this time but I got to slow it down for me to survive.

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The Science Project

I finally got the chance to talk to ate joy. I'm glad that she is ok as well as the baby. I'm working on the project right now. I wish this too shall pass. I feel irritated with my mouth sore. I hope this too heals because I got discomforts in talking and also in eating. It is very painful. I got to change my sleeping patterns I only got a few hours of sleep these days. I find it really hard to adjust. I'm still hoping that everything will turn out fine. School was ok today. I'm glad that children are ok too. I wish that they could answer all the questions in the periodical exam tomorrow. God bless you my friend.

Still Breathing

Yes I'm here. I wasn't able to post yesterday because I'm tired. I'm still trying to adjust to my busy work in school. I'm ok now. All I did was just to trust in God that He will guide me and direct me to whatever things that I'm doing right now. It feels good to trust in God. My depression is still here but I should not be carried away because if I entertain it then I will not accomplish anything. I'm ok I can manage. Smile and be happy carms. School was ok. Normally I got to scold kids, teach them and guide them. The spoiled kid is getting more immature. Gradually, he will learned things in a hard way because he chooses to. It is his choice anyway. I'm trying to lead him to the right path and do things easy for him to cope with his life but he chooses to do his way then be it. Maybe in that way he will change and realized what he should suppose to do. I did my best and for sure I'm not giving up. I never give up on kids like him. All pupils I handled who have this kind of attitude problem never miss to learned to change their attitude when they are going to the next level I won't allow them to behave that way. I don't know with this case he seems to be so immature and childish. Anyway I'm still positive and hopeful that he will change. God willing.

Work and work again

I got a lot of pending work to do. I just wish and pray I could finish all of these tonight. I wish that everything will turn out right. I can't understand what I feel inside me. I know this is not just the first time I'm feeling this way. I just always remind myself that this too shall pass. I got to pray harder now that I feel that I'm helpless. I got to hold on. I got to prepare for tomorrow's lesson. I wish that tomorrow will be a beautiful and inspiring day for me and for my pupils. Talking about the weather, The temperature is rising and it's really warm in here. I miss the rain. Tomorrow is another day. I got to experience life and touch others life tomorrow. It's another mission to fulfill and to make things better. Even if there are fears and anxiety inside I got to face every plight and challenge with a smile in my face and positive mind to shield me from the things that may cause me to be weak. Go Carms you can do it. No time to surrender now. God bless you my friend

Yipee!

I'm done yes! at last the skills training was over. I'm so impressed with my two student volunteers they are really good. The XU-NSTP students were very good too. I think that this batch is ok. They are smart, intelligent and serious I hope that first impression last. They were very excited for next Saturday. They say that they learned a lot of things from me I too have learned from them. Nice! The investigatory project is done already all I need is to create the presentation for the exhibit and contest. I hope I will be able to cope with the pressure I'm facing right now. I'm positive that this too shall pass. I got the chance to chat with my sisters last night. I'm so happy chatting with them. My niece sophia sang a song for me. She does got potential. I miss them but I have no choice all I have to think is that at least I have the chance to talk to them. God Bless you my friend.

School Work

Help me! help me! I'm swimming to a lot of task this week but I just go to take it one at a time. I'm hooked with a lot of work. Kids are getting in my classroom even if I'm not their teacher but it is ok as long as I can do the task. I just got to continue praying and working that things will get better. I have to work till Saturday to finish my task. I have to prepare a lot of things for the skills training this Saturday. Wish me luck. It's our first time to meet this Saturday I hope this batch of college students are ok and good. Every year when I have this class I always got nervous in meeting them especially that I don't know them and what kind of students they are but at the later part I got to know them and adjust to their attitude. I'm wishing that this tutorial sessions this year will be a successful one and that many children will become a reader after the school year ends. God bless you my friend.

Sad Day

I'm one with my fellow Filipino people who mourns and bid goodbye to tita Cory. I can't help but cry because maybe I know what she have been through in life and how she survives and endure all the pain and challenges she have encountered. That is life after all and at least now she is there in heaven she can rest and be with her beloved. School again tomorrow I got to prepare a lot of things for tomorrow and for Saturday. I feel a little bit worried of this investigatory project. I got to have that courage to handle it. I've been so dependent to ate joy and now that she is on leave I should learn how to stand on my own. I got to start praying now and start working before anything got worse. I'm positive about this task that I could surpass and accomplish this. I'm sure about it. I just got to stay focus and just take things at a time. Tatay is ok now thank God. He just needs to rest for awhile because he is still under medication. As what I always say life has to go on no matter what. God bless you my friend